I feel as if I’ve come full circle, spiritually speaking. What do I mean by that? Well, there was a moment in my
life when I became aware that God was real, that He was nothing like I thought, that He wasn’t simply in “religious”
things, not even was He only in the everyday of life, but…God made Himself real and personal to me right in the
middle of a life in a giant mess that came directly as a result of some stupid and horrible choices. In other words
every aspect of the way that God had been presented to me or that I, myself had perceived Him to be, was blown
right out of the water.
Suddenly aware that I was not only fully accepted but really loved at my most helpless and desperate, I was
naturally compelled to seek others who knew what I now knew. I’m serious, there was a very real and exciting
compulsion to throw open every single church door and scream at the top of my lungs “I can come in now! I
belong…I’m one of you! I know what you know!” Call it desperate to be accepted, a desire to fit in, eagerness to
belong, and reverence for those who were much more experienced, I learned to settle down, “tone down the
excitement,” love sensibly, scrutinize and analyze mine and everyone else’s actions and motivations with
‘discernment’ Good grief, I thought. Jesus said “I come to give life to the fullest.” Was this really what He meant?
When I look back over the years, it was as if while learning to fit in there was this vague memory that something
overwhelmingly huge had happened in a moment of misery and hopelessness. Life had spiraled to the point where
there was no possibility of presenting myself as a good person. Seeing no way out of the trap of addiction and
despair, death seemed more appealing than living what life had become. Only at the same time, someone had
been sharing Jesus Christ. “No thanks,” I told him at the time, but now…life was out of control. I needed
something…there was nothing else left. Crying out to Him changed everything. There was a very real awareness of
God right there, in the middle of my mess and yet, the sense of His tenderness and love for me was a stunning
contradiction to every thought I’d ever had about the God of the Universe.
Maybe in a need for structure after a chaotic out-of-control life, I spent the next few years conforming to the church
system, only there was always this sense of that truth about God that I knew first hand; He pursues and comes into
the ‘dirt’ of life. He’s not just in the church services, praise choruses and bible studies. He’s not even contained in
all our best efforts to ‘talk and walk’ like a good Christian. This God was much, much bigger, and more love than
what we were settling for. Thus began this cycle of glimpses and revelations of His wild and extravagant love which
oftentimes clashed with the prudence and sensibility of the system.
Frankly, I think it was that ever-awareness yet inability to communicate it, that God was incredibly unafraid of
fractured lives and in fact seemed to delight in those who are the most helpless, that motivated most of my
‘bucking’ of the rules. I believed there was rebelliousness spirit or something deep inside. But, it wasn’t a rebellious
heart, but a vague certainty that the God Who poured out His love freely that miserably glorious night had set me
free. Completely free! With no strings attached. I just wasn’t confident enough in Him to trust that without submitting
to the multitudes of experts. He said in Jeremiah 31 & Hebrews 8 “in that day…we would no longer need people to
teach us, but through the Holy Spirit, we would all know Him, personally and intimately…the word “know” in that
sentence is translated ‘know’ as in marriage…as a man ‘knows’ a woman. In that day, He foretold, I (God) will put a
New Heart and a New Spirit in them and I will forgive ALL their iniquities, transgressions, (consequences) and
remember their sins…NO MORE!!
In this world we will have tribulation, Jesus says, but take heart, for I have overcome the world! It’s finished! It’s
Done! He did it! And what do you and I do??? NOTHING! We simply lay our busy self down at His feet, accept His
love and say “thank you”
I love John 3:16 above from the amplified version, which is so much richer than many of our translations. It couldn't
be said better; I've come full circle and realize that moment of awareness and acknowledgement of the reality of
God is true repentance and I was truly safe & sound. Confident in WHO HE is and what HE has Done and not in my
own behavior is the truth. It does set us free! Free from what? Free of that self-focused, self-analyzing, self-
consumed, never ending worry over our own journey to heaven...He's got it covered! That's HOME and there's no
place like it!
life when I became aware that God was real, that He was nothing like I thought, that He wasn’t simply in “religious”
things, not even was He only in the everyday of life, but…God made Himself real and personal to me right in the
middle of a life in a giant mess that came directly as a result of some stupid and horrible choices. In other words
every aspect of the way that God had been presented to me or that I, myself had perceived Him to be, was blown
right out of the water.
Suddenly aware that I was not only fully accepted but really loved at my most helpless and desperate, I was
naturally compelled to seek others who knew what I now knew. I’m serious, there was a very real and exciting
compulsion to throw open every single church door and scream at the top of my lungs “I can come in now! I
belong…I’m one of you! I know what you know!” Call it desperate to be accepted, a desire to fit in, eagerness to
belong, and reverence for those who were much more experienced, I learned to settle down, “tone down the
excitement,” love sensibly, scrutinize and analyze mine and everyone else’s actions and motivations with
‘discernment’ Good grief, I thought. Jesus said “I come to give life to the fullest.” Was this really what He meant?
When I look back over the years, it was as if while learning to fit in there was this vague memory that something
overwhelmingly huge had happened in a moment of misery and hopelessness. Life had spiraled to the point where
there was no possibility of presenting myself as a good person. Seeing no way out of the trap of addiction and
despair, death seemed more appealing than living what life had become. Only at the same time, someone had
been sharing Jesus Christ. “No thanks,” I told him at the time, but now…life was out of control. I needed
something…there was nothing else left. Crying out to Him changed everything. There was a very real awareness of
God right there, in the middle of my mess and yet, the sense of His tenderness and love for me was a stunning
contradiction to every thought I’d ever had about the God of the Universe.
Maybe in a need for structure after a chaotic out-of-control life, I spent the next few years conforming to the church
system, only there was always this sense of that truth about God that I knew first hand; He pursues and comes into
the ‘dirt’ of life. He’s not just in the church services, praise choruses and bible studies. He’s not even contained in
all our best efforts to ‘talk and walk’ like a good Christian. This God was much, much bigger, and more love than
what we were settling for. Thus began this cycle of glimpses and revelations of His wild and extravagant love which
oftentimes clashed with the prudence and sensibility of the system.
Frankly, I think it was that ever-awareness yet inability to communicate it, that God was incredibly unafraid of
fractured lives and in fact seemed to delight in those who are the most helpless, that motivated most of my
‘bucking’ of the rules. I believed there was rebelliousness spirit or something deep inside. But, it wasn’t a rebellious
heart, but a vague certainty that the God Who poured out His love freely that miserably glorious night had set me
free. Completely free! With no strings attached. I just wasn’t confident enough in Him to trust that without submitting
to the multitudes of experts. He said in Jeremiah 31 & Hebrews 8 “in that day…we would no longer need people to
teach us, but through the Holy Spirit, we would all know Him, personally and intimately…the word “know” in that
sentence is translated ‘know’ as in marriage…as a man ‘knows’ a woman. In that day, He foretold, I (God) will put a
New Heart and a New Spirit in them and I will forgive ALL their iniquities, transgressions, (consequences) and
remember their sins…NO MORE!!
In this world we will have tribulation, Jesus says, but take heart, for I have overcome the world! It’s finished! It’s
Done! He did it! And what do you and I do??? NOTHING! We simply lay our busy self down at His feet, accept His
love and say “thank you”
I love John 3:16 above from the amplified version, which is so much richer than many of our translations. It couldn't
be said better; I've come full circle and realize that moment of awareness and acknowledgement of the reality of
God is true repentance and I was truly safe & sound. Confident in WHO HE is and what HE has Done and not in my
own behavior is the truth. It does set us free! Free from what? Free of that self-focused, self-analyzing, self-
consumed, never ending worry over our own journey to heaven...He's got it covered! That's HOME and there's no
place like it!
| Naked & Unashamed! |
John 3:16,17… “For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the
world that he even gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, so
that whoever believes in, trusts in, clings to, relies on Him shall
not perish (come to destruction or be lost) but have eternal life.
For God did not send the Son into the world in order to judge, to
reject, to condemn, to pass sentence on the world, but that the
world might find salvation and be made safe and sound through
Him.”
world that he even gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, so
that whoever believes in, trusts in, clings to, relies on Him shall
not perish (come to destruction or be lost) but have eternal life.
For God did not send the Son into the world in order to judge, to
reject, to condemn, to pass sentence on the world, but that the
world might find salvation and be made safe and sound through
Him.”
| © 2008 - Naked and Unashamed.org - all rights reserved |